I'm Not Counting the Days....YET!!

Today, I finally got to attend the Nutritional class that my Physician offers and requires.  Man oh man I wish I had been able to attend this a long time ago.  It cleared up so many questions I have been having but didn't know that I should be asking them.  I guess that sounds wierd but I didn't think about it.  I figured that at some point the answers would appear....and they did. 

My surgery is scheduled for November 9th.  Wow.  It is coming up so fast and just a couple weeks ago I'm thinking that I will never have surgery.  There are a couple of things that scare me terribly.  One, is puking.  I don't want to EVER puke.  So, the next fear, dehydration because I will be afraid to drink too much for fear of puking.  I have so many thoughts running around my head....it's hard to even post today.  I will sum it up by admitting that I am getting worried and a little bit apprehensive.  I know it will be okay, it's just getting there.

Okay, I'm off to work.  Have a good one everyone.

HOT and still heavy in Florida!!

My husband and I brought two of the kids to Florida to do the Disney thing.  Tonight is our last night and I am washing clothes and packing.  You have to be so very creative to get all the "legal" stuff in the right bag or you have to give it up at the check in.  I was getting flustered over the toy giraffe being just a toy or a potential weapon so I decided to get on here for a minute before I pack up the laptop.

It has been so terribly hot here!  I'm not kidding, in every last photo that escaped my halting, my hair looks like I haven't washed it in weeks, and it looks as though I have just gotten off a water ride.  I took to using one of the resorts hand towels and wetting it constantly during the day to use as a sweat wiper!  A few weeks ago we had that terrible heat wave...remember?  Well, that was nothing to this.  I swear, I told my husband, "if I didn't lose at least 10 pounds I will just have a stroke right there on the scale".  Well, needless to say I don't have a scale so I won't be able to tell but honestly I do not think I lost a pound.  On the contrary I have been so dehydrated that I have probably gained some weight.  Back home I am being informed that the weather is cold at a little below 50 degrees and rainy.  I say bring it on...at least for a day or two.  Everyone back home has been putting the heat on already and we haven't even closed our pool yet?  Really?  What the hell?

We, of course, went souvenier shopping and I bought one shirt that has Mickey and the gang on it.  Now, for a little background, I have been wearing the same three Mickey shirts that I bought in 2001.  They are threadbare and have holes in them but I feel the best when I have them on.  I feel that they cover the fat best.  I am sure this is a figment of my imagination and I'm okay with that.  Anyway, I tried the shirt on tonight, 3X, and it fit as I suspected.  My loving husband says to me being sincere, "you should have bought several more so that you can throw those old things out".  I said back to him...."I certainly hope to be wearing totally different clothes by next summer so that I why I only bought one".  He said, oh yea....You are going to be rocking next summer.  Wasn't that nice of him?  I totally disagree with him because I can't picture anything more than what is at this moment but God bless him.

Okay, I think I have rested enough.  I can take on the giraffe toy now.  Have a good one all.

Well, here we are.  Off the steroids, and quickly putting back on the 8 pounds that I lost.  I don't think I have lost any since my initial weight at the Dr.'s office.  I see him the middle of October...I am going to feel just aweful if I haven't even lost my 10 pounds that he requires according to my BMI.  We leave for Disneyworld this Thursday so my hope is that I am good with my choices and all the walking and such will pay off.

I am so looking forward to a relaxing time even though we are going to be at Disney.  I need it.  I crave it.  I demand it.  We will see.  I have downloaded four books to my Kindle in anticipation of relaxing pool side.  I hope I hvaen't jinxed myself. 

I am taking my laptop with me so will try to blog while I am there.  Have a good week everyone. 

Judy

Well,

Thanks so very much to PenPen for responding to me and putting some of my fears to rest.  You are absolutely right when you say that I can't imagine what after surgery will be like because I can't.  I try, but I can't.  It is almost like this decision has just taken over my life.  In a good way.  I really truly felt that I would go absolutely crazy after surgery if there was something I want and can't have.  Okay, I'm talking pizza here.  That food is probably my all time favorite food....and I am so worried that I can't have it.  But having reading some other blogs I know that with the proper preparing, I can. 

We had to laugh today because I shared with my husband that I chose November ninth for my surgery but how stupid that was.  He asked me why and I said that I was off this year for Thanksgiving and I would probably still be on pureed foods....well he didn't miss a beat.  He made the sound of the blender and said, don't worry, we will fix ya up.  What is weird is I probably couldn't have picked a better day for the surgery.  I won't be tempted to over indulge and make myself sick with all the helpings.  So, yes, I think I made a good choice after all.

All in all, today is a good day.  Of course the night is not over.  Will keep plugging away, posting my fears and hoping you don't get sick of me.  Thanks for all the support.

Roller Coaster of Emotions!

Okay, folks, I just can't seem to get off this roller coaster.  I want the surgery, I don't, I do, I don't, I am, I'm not.  I know I am going to have it.  I guess I am afraid.  I have had some health issues this past week non-weight related, and it has really made me realize that I can't wait for the surgery.  But then......

My husband had to work night shifts at the same time this past holiday weekend which meant that the kids had to be at the sitters for over 48 hours straight.  We both hate that when it happens so as soon as we got up today we went and got them.  The weather has blissfully changed to a cool, almost chilly, non-humid days and so we decided to take them out to eat.  We got to the restaurant.  I hate buffets as I know that I always over indulge.  But today I got the buffet.  I can't say that I was totally out of control but what I did do was immediately eat, mashed potatos with gravy, corn, and mac/cheese.  CARBS anyone?  Then I had a slim jim sandwich. 

As I was sitting there I thought to myself....what am I doing and how will I ever make myself understand that I can't do this anymore?  After the sleeve obviously I won't be eating out any time soon but even after the healing....how do you eat at a restaurant?  Do you just take a spoonful of a couple of items?  Eat off my husbands plate?  Order a kids meal?  I know these are things I will learn but I want all the answers today, right now.  I want the surgery right this minute.  I don't want to live in this overbearing vessile anymore. 

Okay, I am trying to not be depressing....not working?  I know.  It is coming.  I am tentatively scheduled for second week of November.  Time is just standing still right now.  Then I had no idea what a "bougie" was/is.  I was on a website and now I understand that it is the thing they cut around....like a 32 is the size of a straw?  Are we serious?  Can food actually fit down that straw?  I don't ever want to puke.....my worst fear of this whole entire thing.  Will I absolutely know without a doubt when to stop so that I don't puke? 

Please forgive me for being such a whiney, needy brat right now.  I promise, after my surgery I will pamper and respond to another whiner but for now I just need lots of help.  If you have the time...thanks.

Have a great day folks.  Oh on a good note.  Due to my recent illness, I am on a medrol pack, steroids.  Not only does it increase my whining, but also the "roid rage" but it enhances weight loss for me.  Don't ask me cuz I do not know why.  It normally puts people over the edge with eating.  But anyway, I have lost 8 pounds since being on it.  What a good thing. 

I Love....

I took a nasty fall off my bicycle last week, and no I was not in motion at the time.  Anyways, it took about 4 days to actually catch up to my brain and then I got the pain, and more pain, and moving pain.  To make this verrry long story short, one trip to the ER with a possible leaking spleen, negative, to the Dr. the next day, negative for broken ribs, I finally ended up with pain medicine prescriptions and a script for 12 days of SoluMedrol.  Never mind the pain meds...give me Medrol.  First of all it makes my joints feel so much better for a while and it works totally opposite for me than it does for most people....I LOSE WEIGHT ON IT!!!  I have already lost about 7 pounds and honestly it does feel good.  Now I know it will be short lived but for a few short days I feel so much better.

A few people have been attempting to get me to not have surgery.  A few of these people like me fat because they too are fat and unhappy.  Some of these people need surgery also but they will be, and are, the first ones to look me in the face and say, Oh Judy, You have REALLY put on the weight!  I noticed it.  Are you kidding me?  I do not think I would say that to anyone's face if it were true unless they asked me seriously!  It hurt my feelings so bad.  She will never know that but it did.  This is the type of person who would walk laps with us and have to sit and wanted us to sit with her to keep her company.  Well, having just met her I did but more times than not she sat and talked so long that it was time to leave.  We found ourselves getting there early to get our workout in. 

A few people that I have tried to help in the past by inviting them to weight watchers and offering to help them have all of a sudden made a decision to join and they are really going to do it....did I want to join again with them.  Thanks but no....I know that program works.  I should be a spokesperson for them.  I believe in them.  But like gastric surgery, it is me that has to put the work in.  They offer me the program, my Dr. offered me gastric sleeve.  Weight Watchers offers the tools, so does my Dr.  WW offers support meetings, my Dr. and his ENTIRE staff, love you Kelli, are pretty much at my beck and call.  So, the program is different but the end result is my choice.....I have to do the work, I have to motivate myself. 

So am I far off base?  I do not think so.  I am scared that I will not succeed.  I am afraid that I won't know how to do it...or I won't want to take the time to learn how to cook for myself and my family.  I have all these fears....just like I did on weight watchers.  I would love to hear from some of you out there that have already had the sleeve done and how much weight you lost from beginning to present.  Is it possible to lose almost a hundred pounds with the sleeve as long as you do the work? 

Thanks for reading.  Enjoy this unbelievable hot, humid 100 degree day...well in Ohio anyway.

Inhale and .....

SCREAM!!!  There.  I feel slightly better.  Actually, I don't need to scream.  It's been a pretty tough week.  I haven't really been on here lately but tonight I got on and read your blogs and honestly I feel so much better.  Just when it seems that I am questioning if I should have surgery I read some of your posts and then I get recharged about it. 

I spoke to (Kelli) at my surgeon's office today and she is also helping to keep me on track.  I met her via the phone when I first talked about VSG.  We, I, felt like we had known each other for some time.  She is way younger than I am but that is okay.  I am learning a lot from her.  I am so glad she is in my life now.  Anyway, the only things left to do is attend the nutritional class and have my psyche eval.  Of course the chest xray and blood work and that sort of nuisance stuff but for the most part we are looking at surgery, if the particular date I need is available, on November 2.  Wow....missed a breath there. 

I have really been trying to imagine myself 20, 30, 50 and more pounds lighter and I just can't do it.  I hold up a shirt that is in a "normal" size and I just see me.....fat holding up a smaller shirt.  It will come, I know.  A friend of mine sent an email today and it fits me to the T.....I am ALWAYS hotter than heck at work and I carry my own personal fan no matter where I'm stationed.  It isn't hormonal and I just think it's because we are in a locked unit with no windows and the air is just stagnant or something.  Anyway, my face gets beat red and I have sweat running down my face in streams.  I even have a surgical hat that I wear because if my limp, fine balding hair starts looking wet it's all over.  It will look like I just got out of the pool with my clothes on.  Anyway, the email was a Maxine strip I think but it said "When things get hot they expand.  Soooo, I'm not fat, I'm hot".  I love it.  Have a good one all.