Today is the last day that I will have to spend a July as a FAT person trying to find something to wear on a hot day to my son's baseball game! I hope. It was awful. My laundry room looks like jolly green puked as I went through all of my clothes in the basket, then went to my drawers with the same result...NOTHING TO WEAR that didn't show off or accentuate my third abdomin. So I did what anyone else would do in this situation. No, I didn't stay home. I put on my one of two pair of capri's that fit, a tank that doesn't fit nicely and a red shirt of my 320 # husband. And you can still see my role. Today, I hate myself, my clothes, my weaknesses.
I went to the game, sweat so bad that when we got home I ran in the house, drank down water, then took a four hour nap. Because it was so f'n hot! We have been having a heat wave here in Ohio with heat indexes in the low 100's. So it is super hot anyway, but put all this extra fat on someone and you have a large sweaty piece of red headed shit is what you have. Can we tell this is not a good day?
After my nap we all got ready to come out to the camper and I literally started having an anxiety feeling. I have gained so much weight and since I haven't been out to the campground in a long time I guess I was worried what people would say or think. Do I give a shit what they say or think? I didn't think I did but maybe I do. My sister saw me and of course we have no secrets between us...didn't say anything about my weight, hates my hair. I hate my hair. My 3 year old foster son hates my hair. My 6 year old is smart enough to say it looks good. I know it looks like shit! The box said medium brown....this is only the second time I have ever done my own color. I can't help it. So until it grows out or I can get to my hairdresser for a fix I have to live with it. Maybe people will focus in on my hair instead of my fat.
Well, I guess I should truly just give it up and try to get to bed but after a four hour nap, what are the chances of that happening any time soon? Better days are coming. Aren't they?
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