Well, here we are.  Off the steroids, and quickly putting back on the 8 pounds that I lost.  I don't think I have lost any since my initial weight at the Dr.'s office.  I see him the middle of October...I am going to feel just aweful if I haven't even lost my 10 pounds that he requires according to my BMI.  We leave for Disneyworld this Thursday so my hope is that I am good with my choices and all the walking and such will pay off.

I am so looking forward to a relaxing time even though we are going to be at Disney.  I need it.  I crave it.  I demand it.  We will see.  I have downloaded four books to my Kindle in anticipation of relaxing pool side.  I hope I hvaen't jinxed myself. 

I am taking my laptop with me so will try to blog while I am there.  Have a good week everyone. 

Judy

Well,

Thanks so very much to PenPen for responding to me and putting some of my fears to rest.  You are absolutely right when you say that I can't imagine what after surgery will be like because I can't.  I try, but I can't.  It is almost like this decision has just taken over my life.  In a good way.  I really truly felt that I would go absolutely crazy after surgery if there was something I want and can't have.  Okay, I'm talking pizza here.  That food is probably my all time favorite food....and I am so worried that I can't have it.  But having reading some other blogs I know that with the proper preparing, I can. 

We had to laugh today because I shared with my husband that I chose November ninth for my surgery but how stupid that was.  He asked me why and I said that I was off this year for Thanksgiving and I would probably still be on pureed foods....well he didn't miss a beat.  He made the sound of the blender and said, don't worry, we will fix ya up.  What is weird is I probably couldn't have picked a better day for the surgery.  I won't be tempted to over indulge and make myself sick with all the helpings.  So, yes, I think I made a good choice after all.

All in all, today is a good day.  Of course the night is not over.  Will keep plugging away, posting my fears and hoping you don't get sick of me.  Thanks for all the support.

Roller Coaster of Emotions!

Okay, folks, I just can't seem to get off this roller coaster.  I want the surgery, I don't, I do, I don't, I am, I'm not.  I know I am going to have it.  I guess I am afraid.  I have had some health issues this past week non-weight related, and it has really made me realize that I can't wait for the surgery.  But then......

My husband had to work night shifts at the same time this past holiday weekend which meant that the kids had to be at the sitters for over 48 hours straight.  We both hate that when it happens so as soon as we got up today we went and got them.  The weather has blissfully changed to a cool, almost chilly, non-humid days and so we decided to take them out to eat.  We got to the restaurant.  I hate buffets as I know that I always over indulge.  But today I got the buffet.  I can't say that I was totally out of control but what I did do was immediately eat, mashed potatos with gravy, corn, and mac/cheese.  CARBS anyone?  Then I had a slim jim sandwich. 

As I was sitting there I thought to myself....what am I doing and how will I ever make myself understand that I can't do this anymore?  After the sleeve obviously I won't be eating out any time soon but even after the healing....how do you eat at a restaurant?  Do you just take a spoonful of a couple of items?  Eat off my husbands plate?  Order a kids meal?  I know these are things I will learn but I want all the answers today, right now.  I want the surgery right this minute.  I don't want to live in this overbearing vessile anymore. 

Okay, I am trying to not be depressing....not working?  I know.  It is coming.  I am tentatively scheduled for second week of November.  Time is just standing still right now.  Then I had no idea what a "bougie" was/is.  I was on a website and now I understand that it is the thing they cut around....like a 32 is the size of a straw?  Are we serious?  Can food actually fit down that straw?  I don't ever want to puke.....my worst fear of this whole entire thing.  Will I absolutely know without a doubt when to stop so that I don't puke? 

Please forgive me for being such a whiney, needy brat right now.  I promise, after my surgery I will pamper and respond to another whiner but for now I just need lots of help.  If you have the time...thanks.

Have a great day folks.  Oh on a good note.  Due to my recent illness, I am on a medrol pack, steroids.  Not only does it increase my whining, but also the "roid rage" but it enhances weight loss for me.  Don't ask me cuz I do not know why.  It normally puts people over the edge with eating.  But anyway, I have lost 8 pounds since being on it.  What a good thing. 

I Love....

I took a nasty fall off my bicycle last week, and no I was not in motion at the time.  Anyways, it took about 4 days to actually catch up to my brain and then I got the pain, and more pain, and moving pain.  To make this verrry long story short, one trip to the ER with a possible leaking spleen, negative, to the Dr. the next day, negative for broken ribs, I finally ended up with pain medicine prescriptions and a script for 12 days of SoluMedrol.  Never mind the pain meds...give me Medrol.  First of all it makes my joints feel so much better for a while and it works totally opposite for me than it does for most people....I LOSE WEIGHT ON IT!!!  I have already lost about 7 pounds and honestly it does feel good.  Now I know it will be short lived but for a few short days I feel so much better.

A few people have been attempting to get me to not have surgery.  A few of these people like me fat because they too are fat and unhappy.  Some of these people need surgery also but they will be, and are, the first ones to look me in the face and say, Oh Judy, You have REALLY put on the weight!  I noticed it.  Are you kidding me?  I do not think I would say that to anyone's face if it were true unless they asked me seriously!  It hurt my feelings so bad.  She will never know that but it did.  This is the type of person who would walk laps with us and have to sit and wanted us to sit with her to keep her company.  Well, having just met her I did but more times than not she sat and talked so long that it was time to leave.  We found ourselves getting there early to get our workout in. 

A few people that I have tried to help in the past by inviting them to weight watchers and offering to help them have all of a sudden made a decision to join and they are really going to do it....did I want to join again with them.  Thanks but no....I know that program works.  I should be a spokesperson for them.  I believe in them.  But like gastric surgery, it is me that has to put the work in.  They offer me the program, my Dr. offered me gastric sleeve.  Weight Watchers offers the tools, so does my Dr.  WW offers support meetings, my Dr. and his ENTIRE staff, love you Kelli, are pretty much at my beck and call.  So, the program is different but the end result is my choice.....I have to do the work, I have to motivate myself. 

So am I far off base?  I do not think so.  I am scared that I will not succeed.  I am afraid that I won't know how to do it...or I won't want to take the time to learn how to cook for myself and my family.  I have all these fears....just like I did on weight watchers.  I would love to hear from some of you out there that have already had the sleeve done and how much weight you lost from beginning to present.  Is it possible to lose almost a hundred pounds with the sleeve as long as you do the work? 

Thanks for reading.  Enjoy this unbelievable hot, humid 100 degree day...well in Ohio anyway.