Already?

Well, here we are and I can't believe that it has only been just shy of 6 weeks and all the changes that are taking place not only in me but around me.  I don't think that if you haven't had this surgery then there is no way you would get it, at all.

There is the fact that yes I am losing weight, numbers, and my legs feel incredible!  All my life my eyes and my legs have been my treasured attributes.  Then when I was diagnosed with hypertension my legs started retaining fluid and that shot the legs.  Well, now, I am actually getting my definition back and I could have sworn that I noticed a knee cap the other day!  I couldn't believe it!!  I also notice that I can do a 12 hour shift and not be crying in agony walking to my car at the end of the day. 

I know I am losing like I said but in my head it still says FAT!!  I haven't tried to go smaller on my clothes even though several people have said that I should.  I think that it is a comfort thing, a safety thing.  So I keep wearing the same three disney shirts and one work shirt and the same two pair of jeans that fit me before surgery.  I absolutely hate to shop anyway, so the thought of having to do that makes me ill.  Plus the fact that I hate spending money on clothes.  All I need are new jammies and my scrubs for work are provided for me at work.  There, new wardrobe.

The sick feeling that I had been experiencing is slowly ebbing away every time I eat.  I know that I am waiting too long in between meals because then I get a sick sick feeling in my abdomin and then I start to eat like a zombie.  I also started really watching and noticing how I feel with certain foods.  I have cut back on heavy foods like a lot of meat and am increasing the veges and fruits.  I still attack popsicles and italian ices but for now that is what suits me.  I have not been able to get back into my protein drink like before surgery but I have been able to manage a couple shakes in the last week or so, so maybe it will all come full circle.  I hope so because I had noticed that my hair was thickening up and now not so much.

I have also found that in order to get my fluids in, not quite 64 oz. but close, is to drink the diet Nestea Iced Tea but it HAS TO BE IN THE BOTTLE.  I know, weird but I can't help it.  So I am drinking that and water and I am not as dehydrated as I was for sure.  PenPen, you were right....it is getting better and for now I do not have buyers remorse.  Thanks for your words of encouragement.  They do help tremendously!

Til next time which will be after Christmas I am sure have a wonderful holiday/Christmas.

I had a secret...

I stopped my friend at work the other night and I asked her if I could trust her to keep a secret for me.  She of course said yes, which I already knew. 

Before I told her my secret I asked her a lot of questions about how long she felt that she would never feel that eating was normal again, and to even drink water was such a big ordeal...well, she assured me that it took a while for everything to come together for her and for her pouch to be able to handle bigger or more frequent bites. 

I then told her that my secret was that if I have to live like this the rest of my life then I am so very sorry I had the surgery.  I don't mean that I am upset that I can't eat as much and I have to watch.  No, it is the fact that I can't take any bigger of a bite than a baby spoon and I can't take more than 10-12cc of fluid at any one time.  That is just not natural for me.  What will I do in the summer when I have been outside and I am dying of thirst?  Take a sip??????  Bullshit....I am a guzzler and I am a scarfer of food. 

I know this is the hardest thing I will have to conquer in this journey.  Please share your successes with me...does it get better?  Will I always and forever have to sip and have to wait 3 minutes in between unless I want my heart to feel like it is exploding? 

I am happy that I am losing weight...my legs feel so much better already.  I am not sorry that I can't over indulge.  I am sad that I have to take so long to eat or drink.  I will overcome this, I know I will, but it has just been very hard for me.

Thanks for reading.