Okay, folks, I just can't seem to get off this roller coaster. I want the surgery, I don't, I do, I don't, I am, I'm not. I know I am going to have it. I guess I am afraid. I have had some health issues this past week non-weight related, and it has really made me realize that I can't wait for the surgery. But then......
My husband had to work night shifts at the same time this past holiday weekend which meant that the kids had to be at the sitters for over 48 hours straight. We both hate that when it happens so as soon as we got up today we went and got them. The weather has blissfully changed to a cool, almost chilly, non-humid days and so we decided to take them out to eat. We got to the restaurant. I hate buffets as I know that I always over indulge. But today I got the buffet. I can't say that I was totally out of control but what I did do was immediately eat, mashed potatos with gravy, corn, and mac/cheese. CARBS anyone? Then I had a slim jim sandwich.
As I was sitting there I thought to myself....what am I doing and how will I ever make myself understand that I can't do this anymore? After the sleeve obviously I won't be eating out any time soon but even after the healing....how do you eat at a restaurant? Do you just take a spoonful of a couple of items? Eat off my husbands plate? Order a kids meal? I know these are things I will learn but I want all the answers today, right now. I want the surgery right this minute. I don't want to live in this overbearing vessile anymore.
Okay, I am trying to not be depressing....not working? I know. It is coming. I am tentatively scheduled for second week of November. Time is just standing still right now. Then I had no idea what a "bougie" was/is. I was on a website and now I understand that it is the thing they cut around....like a 32 is the size of a straw? Are we serious? Can food actually fit down that straw? I don't ever want to puke.....my worst fear of this whole entire thing. Will I absolutely know without a doubt when to stop so that I don't puke?
Please forgive me for being such a whiney, needy brat right now. I promise, after my surgery I will pamper and respond to another whiner but for now I just need lots of help. If you have the time...thanks.
Have a great day folks. Oh on a good note. Due to my recent illness, I am on a medrol pack, steroids. Not only does it increase my whining, but also the "roid rage" but it enhances weight loss for me. Don't ask me cuz I do not know why. It normally puts people over the edge with eating. But anyway, I have lost 8 pounds since being on it. What a good thing.
Judy, Judy, Judy! Hey there! It's me, Penny, from http://sliceofhealthyplease.blogspot.com/ . I just want you to know that everything you're feeling is so normal. I had a lot of the same fears and concerns. Let me just start by saying that the sleeve changes everything. My appetite is completely different than before surgery. Even when there's a lot of really good things sitting out in front of me and I feel sad and frustrated because you know that physically your stomach can't hold much and you have to pick carefully what you will put into it....but you think and feel at that moment that you're missing out on all that delicious food. Well, let me just say that once I start eating, I truly get full after about an 1/4 of a cup to 1/2 cup. Then the food starts to make me feel as if I've eaten 2 helpings of Thanksgiving dinner and some dessert. My stomach doesn't really feel full (I don't really have any sensation in my stomach) but my belly gets this warm feeling inside and I literally have to get the food out of my sight because it starts to disgust me. It's so hard to explain. Judy, don't worry...you're not going to have to tell your tummy to turn itself off...it will shout at you that IT'S DONE! lol And I've never really had the urge to throw up except one time but that was because I was eating some dry chicken and was eating it too fast!
ReplyDeleteAs far as restaurants....I know that there is no way I could ever finish a plate full of food..not even half of it. So, my husband and I will pick something off the menu that we both like. I take about 1/2 cups worth of whatever it is and usually don't finish it all. He eats the rest. He says I'm a cheap date. lol I haven't yet but if there was something that I wanted and he didn't, I would just order it and take leftovers home.
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ReplyDeleteSometimes when there is something so wonderful in front of me, I think, "oh my gosh, I won't be able to stop!"...that's just not the case. My appetite is nearly zero....not totally gone but believe me, I have to think about eating and be purposeful about doing so. My stomach sometimes feels hungry but it never growls. And it's usually because I really do need to eat something.
Tonight we had our weekly Blue Bell ice cream. If you know anything about this ice cream, you know that it is the best in Texas! Of course, I thought and felt like I was really missing out by not getting to have as much as everyone else AND I thought that since it was ice cream that it would just slide right through...so my mind was saying fix that big bowl full (mind you, my mind was talking, not my stomach). Well, of course I only fixed my 1/2 cup and as I got to the 1/2 way mark (about 1/4 cup), I didn't want it anymore. My body was disgusted by it. So I threw the rest away.
My point...you will never again eat the way you do now! You will never again feel like eating the way you do now...your mind might but your stomach will turn it off pretty quick after you get started. You can't image what it will be like before surgery because all you've known is how you've eaten all your life...things will change and you will not have to make yourself stop...your stomach will do it for you. You will know when your stomach has had enough.
Oh and about the bougie size...I have a size 32 and have had no problems at all when I'm eating or drinking unless I eat or drink too fast. You will be okay and after you've had it done and gotten through your first month or two (remember you will be healing and after month 1 and possibly 2, you will start to eat a more normal diet and you will also have a lot more energy by then), you will wonder why you didn't get it done sooner.
No one can tell you what to do but I will tell you that I have no regrets except not having it done sooner. I think a lot of my own fears before surgery came from just not knowing what it would be like, if it would truly work for me, and if I would make it through the surgery. That's completely normal to have those fears but if this is what you need to do to become healthy and to start living again...then by all means, go for it! You will do great! You'll look back at your past post and all these fears will be put to rest.
Sorry so wordy!