Well, one week from tomorrow will be the day. The day my new life starts? The day my new journey starts? I don't really know what THAT day means to me yet. I have so many emotions running through my head that I can't hardly think straight.
For starters, I am scared to death. I had to actually put it into words recently to a friend that asked what I was afraid of. I just spit out that I was afraid of failing. Failing what? Of failing the sleeve, of failing the surgeon/team, of failing me. I have started this so called journey so many different times in the past I am truly scared of failing one more time. I know a lot of people are telling me they are here for me and I believe them. I just have to believe myself though. And I believe I will, just not today.
Next, I am so dammed excited I can't stand it. The possibilities are so endless that it makes my head spin. I read other peoples blogs and I get so excited as I read their successes and then I get sad when they talk about their backslides. I then come back to number one...I'm excited about the endless possibilities but of course they couldn't happen to me.
I have my last set of tests tomorrow. I'm so very glad about that. I wish it was next week already so that I can just get over the initial week and move on but this week will probably drag. I have to work Thursday/Friday and Sunday and Monday so that will help. I have told my husband that after the surgeon tells him how the surgery went I want him to leave. He will have worked all night the night before so he will be tired and honestly I do't feel that I don't need him hanging around watching me attempt to drink my fluids and get up and walk. He said he would be back the next day and I told him no. We live probably an hour and 15 minutes away and there really is no reason he needs to bring the kids up then just come back the next day to get me. I hope I don't regret this decision but I just know me...I think I will be better off by myself post surgery.
Okay, I think that is it for today. I can't figure out how to blog from my phone so I probably won't be able to from the hospital. Not that I would want to anyway. Oh well, soon enough I will be blogging about how ......I'm not sure what I will be blogging but I will blog anyway.
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