Hard Realities

I had to work today.....a long twelve hours it was too.  I work in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and I love love love my job.  There isn't a day that goes by that I am not glad I am there.  A lot of people probably think I'm crazy but I don't care.  I love what I do.  It took me almost twenty years to find my niche in nursing so I am going to love it.  Today's shift was odd for me.  Usually I am upbeat and jovial.  Today, I just couldn't find anything to be jovial about and for the most part the parents of my babies were getting on my last nerve.  Why am I telling this?  I'm gettin to it.  Hang on.  To start with I didn't have the right size pants on, well at least I didn't think so.  They felt too tight...so right there my mood starts to swing.  So I put on the bigger pair, and now they are huge on me.  I don't care.  Next comes the top...my spare tire is bulging in this shirt.  Are ya following me?  Anyway, lets jump to me finally getting to go home.  Finally, I was going to be able to just go sit in my car for a minute to relax and wrap my head around this mood before I get home.  I leave the dressing room and there are two employees with a patient in a bed taking him somewhere for a test.  They say, "jump on".  Easy for you to say, I thought.  I have my oversized lunch bucket that everyone makes fun of and another bag that I am carrying all my absolutely to die for essentials and I'm fat with a big spare tire! and you want me to "jump on".  So instead of saying any of that I reply "oh okay, thanks". 

Then I have to squeeze my fat gut around the corner of the bed with these Olive Oil skinny people and the sick guy in the bed watching me.  Then I have to do it in reverse when it's time to get out of the elevator.  I said to myself as soon as I got outside, "self, if you didn't think surgery was for you, think again".  I am so tired of having those feelings and I hope that I never make anyone feel bad if they are heavy.  I don't think I have but I certainly hope I never do.

So, anyway, drove home and ate a bagel bologna and baby swiss cheese sandwich, okay!  I ate two of them!!!  And this is where I have ended up.  Sad isn't it?  Bet you have been there though.  I'm sorry to let all this out on anyone that will ever read this but surprisingly this journaling of sorts actually does feel a little better.  So, thanks for reading, if anyone ever does.  Have a wonderful evening.