There is so much about me and my family that I know I could never fill everyone in so at times I will just be throwing crap out there. Go with it...it's best that way. I think that is why I like the idea of blogging. I can put my thoughts down whenever and where ever I am.
My husband and I have been foster parents since 2002. Since then we have had several children pass through. Not as many as some but the ones we have had we have dedicated our heart and souls to no matter if it was for 3 weeks or 3 years. We have been strong advocates for our kids and I can't imagine any foster parents not being but believe me there are some out there that do not care for their foster kids!
Anyway, three years ago we were so blessed to have been asked to take a placement of an infant whose mom and dad were struggling with drugs and possible parenting issues. We of course said yes....hello? BABY? OH HELL YES!! Anyway, we had him for the first 10 months of his life. He had tested positive for drugs at birth so we sort of expected some delays which is fine with us. Life is life. He had issues with eating his formulas, his tongue protruded all the time, and he had a heart murmur. Actually he had two murmurs. I won't bore you with the details. Anyway, 10 months, we took great pride in making sure he made it to his cardiologists appointments, physical therapy appointments, and speech therapy. Yep, they have all that crap for these babies. We did exercises at home, or in the car or whatever was needed.
Mom got him back after 10 months. She had been "clean" or so everyone assumed. She and I kept in touch. We always treated bio parents with the respect that is due to them for being the parents and I have always treated the parents as I would want to be treated. So over the next couple of years we would go see him, bearing gifts of course, and she would want a break so she would call and we would run and bring him home for however long she would allow us. A week to 6 weeks was the average. Always, we bought new clothes or a new bike or gave him a car bed or whatever. To us, he was/is one of ours.
We haven't been in touch in quite a while with her because she knows that we would love to be the ones to raise him and give him a stable loving family life that he deserves. Well, we got the call a couple of weeks ago that he had been placed back into custody again so I went that very night to pick him up. We love that baby so very much. Well, not a baby, he is "free!" you know. This whole thing just weighs so heavy on me. She, bio mom, is actually getting another chance to "clean up" and get him back. I understand that the system has to try but to what extent? When is it his turn? I guess I just need to get this off my chest. I feel like I am going to explode! I do not want this baby to go anywhere but right here and there isn't a darn thing I can do about it. We love him while we have him but is that hurting him or helping him? He feels safe, secure, fed and loved here then WE send him away to live from crack house to crack house. Who is he going to eventually blame? US!!! He will eventually hate us for being the ones to let him down. I just hope he knows how much we love him and want him to be a permenant part of this family. We already feel that is is.
So even though I know I can't fix any of this I just need it to be said that we love you baby M. and we never ever want you to leave our home again. God will protect you somehow...we just hope it is here with us. If you are reading this please forgive me for using my blog about weight loss and my journey for health to vent about this child.
No comments:
Post a Comment